How to get people to respect me

How to get people to respect me

Respect yourself and others will respect you.”
Confucius, 551 BC-479 BC

You will never gain anyone’s approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.”
Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Much as these two quotes suggest, in gaining respect from others, it is important that you respect yourself first, that you value yourself, know who you are, through the concept of loving yourself.

It is essential that insecurities, inadequacies, self doubt are all banished and replaced with a sense of self worth and indeed a deep sense of self respect with a healthy dose of self-love.

When we are lacking in that sense of self love, by default we tend to de-value ourselves. We so easily lose the full sense of who we are. When we are lost in this way, we aren’t sure of our values or moral code, not sure of what we like or dislike, not sure of what action to take in given situations, always feeling we need to check in with others to be sure we are acting or thinking in a way that is acceptable to others. It becomes important to be aggreeable with the majority or if we are more extrovert by nature we take to rebelling against authority, a cry to be noticed by those that count. As an introvert, we don’t want to put a foot out of place, we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. To stand out for the wrong reasons would be so humiliating and humiliation is a familiar emotion that revisits our psyche much too often for comfort.

In turn, as a form of self preservation we may turn to adopting aggressive behaviour toward others. This behaviour has us believing others are wrong, needing admonishment as we insist on ‘being right’ and ‘being in control’. We may also have lost faith and trust in others, so any kindness shown is viewed with suspicion. We may be suspect others are trying to take advantage of us with some hidden agenda. We may also misunderstand their good intentions, convincing ourselves that they are scheming against us and risk arousing our angry response towards them.

All these negative emotions can arise from being exposed to an environment that was very much lacking in love. This love was so much needed in those vital early years of our lives where we are creating our own identity, understanding life’s rules and how we fit in as an individual. In fact this quest may continue into adulthood. If we are deprived of love, whilst also being surrounded by aggressive behaviour, not only do we copy what we see as our norm, but we behave towards ourselves in a way that further reinforces that we are unlovable, deserve self denegration with a resulting poor self image.

We come to believe we are undeserving of a good life and perpetuate the misery we have repeatedly been exposed to, as our norm. If we are lucky, we will benefit from positive role models around us to inspire us, but in our state inadequacy we can so easily adopt a compensationary ‘perfectionist’ approach to all we do. bringing about it’s own degree of stress. We then can so easily risk sabotaging our own chances toward any progress. At this time we may become destructive of other’s success where jeolousy and bitterness can prevail. A strong sense of injustice can so easily cloud our view of others as we wonder how they can be so fortunate when we are not, no matter how hard we try.

Despite these sometimes unsuccessful wretched attempts to move forward, we need do take solace that there is a solution and a way forward toward changing our lives for the better. We need to change this disharmony within us which has become so out of kilter with our true selves it creates so much unhappiness.

If we are to understand that every cell in our body has it’s own vibration or harmonic frequency to function at it’s optimum. When this frequency is disturbed by pollution from prolonged exposure to negative energy arising from negative thoughts and events, it creates disharmony and eventually disease as the cells begins to break down.

Conversely when we are receiving loving thoughts and actions from others as well as giving ourselves these loving thoughts, we are radiating ourselves with positive energy, feeding our cells with positivity to function at their optimum level whilst improving our whole sense of well-being, In this positive state we are more likely to enjoy better sleep quality, health and energy to keep ourselves motivated toward self improvement and ambition for a better life. So our brain cells, nervous system, organs within our hormonal system, and in fact every other cell in our body maintains full bodily health. In this way, depression, low moods, mental illness and physical illness rarely arise.

Physical, mental, emotional, intellectual and spiritual health are the reaped benefits from surrounding ourselves with positive and loving energy. We begin to attract similar minded people around us. Quite naturally a sense of positivity, motivation, self belief, confidence and respect for ourselves and others readily comes into play.

To correct these vibrations from a range that are negative and stressful to the body to ones that are compellingly positive and healing to the body we need to take the right action. There are in fact many ways such as meditation, yoga, cognitive behavioural therapy to mention but a few well respected ways of reconnecting with our true loving selves, but the one that I feel is so easy and accessible in re-calibrating ourselves toward greater self worth and greater self respect is the use of Bach Flower Therapy.

Bach Flower Therapy is the process of taking any one of the 38 natural plant remedies to balance any of the 38 emotions that are out of balance. As we are discussing the unexpressed emotion of self value, respect,love, the specific Bach Flower remedy ‘Holly’ is the remedy that will help us regain our true sense of self worth that was with us at birth.

This Bach Flower remedy is a natural organic vibrational form of medicine with no known side effects, which, with it’s vibrational energy, the bach remedy ‘Holly‘ counters the existing unbalanced emotion of lovelessness into one of loving. Slowly, over a three week period of taking these drops orally via a pipette or in any drink, four times a day, you will notice a gentle yet powerful change within you. You will become more accepting of yourself, you will slowly come to start respecting yourself as you start to connect with your own loving self. You begin to know your own mind, your own worth. You will begin to recognise that being caring and respectful of others begins to come more easily to you, and in turn slowly become more of a peace maker and so are likely to facilitate aggreable outcomes. Your increased confidence with an increased sense of conviction encourages you to take and make appropriate actions to support your new ways of thinking and believing. You begin to appreciate others more positively and become more trusting in all your relationships. You begin to believe in yourself. Life starts to work for you. People begin to respect you as indeed you are respecting them.

In the process of taking Bach Flower remedies, you are encouraged to make positive affirmations such as ‘I love myself’ or ‘I value myself’at least 5 times a day and combine this with the visualization of seeing yourself surrounded by loving people and feeling totally cherished. The more vivid the visualization the more real and compelling it will feel for greater impact so use your imagination well.

Taking 2 drops 4 times a day, first thing in the morning, last thing at night and twice in between will restore the correct balance and show improvement over a three week period. Do take note that if you have felt unloved for some time you are likely to need to repeat the 3 week cycle a few times.

There are times when we have felt good about ourselves but have been through a difficult relationship that has us questioning our own self worth and how lovable we may be. This is the time to quickly restore that sense of loving/valuing ourself again so we can regain our sense of being the best we can be for ourselves and others. More importantly we will gain our self respect as indeed the respect from others.

For further support please contact me,

Liz on 07859 920107 or email me on liz@minds-on-high.co.uk

Child Anxiety

Child anxiety, can present as refusal or reluctance to go to school which so easily arises from a child’s anxiety manifesting as extreme shyness or nervousness. They could have difficulty or fear interacting with their peers so develop a strong need to stay at home with family members. Their anguish may be expressed in the form of frequent temper tantrums, crying bouts, broken sleep and/or nightmares. Bedwetting is not unusual. The anxious child who does attend school may also have difficulty in concentrating and so their academic performance tends to drops off, neither is it unusual for children to present with physical complaints such as headaches, stomach-ache, muscle aches and general tiredness.

Tackling child anxiety successfully is of paramount importance for the sanity and well-being of both parent and child. We need to therefore consider a number of strategies.

Firstly, we need to question how effective we are as Primary carers/parents in creating a stable, predictable environment at home. What this means, is that we need to develop routines at home so our children know what is coming up next. The bedtime routine for instance, has the same format each evening i.e. the evening meal is followed by play time then having a wash/bath and leading to getting dressed into pyjamas prior to a cuddle and read before bed. Likewise there would be a set routine in the morning which might be getting dressed after getting up, eating breakfast and only playing with toys/watching TV when they are completely ready for school. These examples do sound quite ‘picture perfect’ especially when these two periods of the day are the very times that our children are likely to play up and become difficult to manage. So how might we manage this situation positively, how might we make it happen?

As parents we need to buy into the concept of being consistent and therefore being predictable. No matter how much our children play up, we need to resist giving in and consistently stick to the set of home rules that we have already put in place. These prominently placed home rules of which there should be no more than five, are placed somewhere visible (in picture form for younger children). House rule examples could be something like ‘Always use a quiet voice indoors’, ‘Always knock and wait, before entering someone’s bedroom’, ‘Always be polite to each other’, ‘Balls are for the outdoors only’.

We make our house rules to suit the smooth running of our own family unit, so they may vary from family to family. Needless to say, small rewards (other than food, sweets and money) need to be given to incentivise your children to keep to the rules, but do remember to keep the rewards varied and very affordable. As the new habits are established, start easing off the rewards replacing them with more praise. Children love positive attention and are therefore more likely to repeat the behaviour for which they are praised.

All these strategies require a lot of personal effort on the parent’s side but it is well worth the investment. By creating a safe positive home environment that is predictable and stable, your children will find home life comforting, nurturing and stabilising to the extent that a solid foundation of safety has been created at home. In this way our children are being equipped to deal with anything that life throws at them, outside the home. They have a home that is safe and predictable providing a safe secure haven in which they can flourish and recover from the day’s ills. Naturally when children feel valued, listened to and praised for when they do well and loved unconditionally, they will also learn there are sensible repercussions for when they misbehave. They therefore grow up with confidence, self-esteem as well as a sense of personal responsibility for any actions they take. Anxiety has little room in their lives when they grow up safely and securely with a ‘Can Do’ attitude.

Sometimes, despite putting these very effective measures in place, a few children may still present with some anxiety concerns. We now need to look at the fact that children learn by copying. They so easily copy the behaviour of those around them.  Be mindful of members in the family that are presenting with anxiety concerns, in which case it is important that the adult or family member is treated for their anxiety as indeed is the anxious child.

The preferred treatment, Bach flower therapy, which is a natural treatment, free of side effects, is totally safe for babies to take and does not interfere with any other medication, is highly effective yet gentle. There are thirty eight plant based Bach flower remedies (one for every possible emotion that needs balancing). Mimulus is likely to be the remedy of choice here to balance general known fears and anxiety. (However other emotions could be involved that require balancing. Advice can be given on request}.

Mimulus is taken over a 3 week period in drinks or directly to the mouth via a pipette as droplets. If the emotion has been longstanding then the remedy may need to be repeated two or three times with the understanding that the fears and anxiety will progressively diminish. For more information read Preparing your Bach Flower Remedies and Bach Flower Remedies

Bach flower remedies are one of nature’s greatest stress busters and I would strongly recommend these remedies find their way into everyone’s medicine cabinet. Each 30 ml stock bottle contains 80 drops and as only 2 drops are needed to take you through a 3 week treatment, each stock bottle is a very economical form of treatment. Despite ‘use by dates’ the stock bottles remain robust to the last drop for however long. Licensing laws require ‘use by dates’ so never throw out your stock bottles of Bach Flower remedies.

For advice on how to chunk down the above strategies into a meaningful do-able plan feel free to discuss how this can be done to ensure your child’s life chances to maximise life opportunities are put in place.

Preparing your Bach Flower Remedies

Preparation

Take two drops from your stock remedy bottle and add it to a 30 ml treatment bottle.

If for example you have 4 prescribed stock remedy bottles, you would use 2 drops from each totalling 8 drops that need to be added to your treatment bottle

Now add spring water to the treatment bottle filling it up to the neck of the bottle

Finally add 1 teaspoon of brandy or any good quality alcohol. This acts as a preservative ensuring the treatment bottle water and drops do not become tainted over the three week period that you will be taking them. Cider vinegar can replace the alcohol if you wish.

Administering

Take 4 drops, four times a day. First thing in the morning, last thing at night and twice in between during the day. The drops can be taken in any drinks, hot or cold, even in soup or they can be taken directly in the mouth via the pipette, but do take care in avoiding contact with parts of the mouth or tongue so as not to contaminate the pipette. Children take half dose i.e. 2 drops four times a day with a mixing bottle containing two or more stock remedies whilst babies take one drop four times a day with a mixing bottle containing two or more stock remedies.

Pets may also be treated with Bach Flower Therapy.

For convenience the drops can be put in a bottle of spring water (8 drops from your treatment bottle) which can be sipped throughout the day and so covering you for two of the four doses taken daily.

Those emotions that have been imbalanced for a substantial amount of time may require a second 3 week treatment or even longer .Recently presenting imbalanced emotions usually become balanced after the initial 3 week treatment period. Children take half dose, babies a quarter.

The remedies are totally safe, can be taken alongside other medication and have no known side effects. Licensing laws require a sell by date to be issued on each bottle but in fact the Bach flower remedies will last untainted so do resist from throwing away partly used stock bottles past their sell by date.

Research conducted by bodies using Bach flower remedies correctly, have shown that Rescue remedy – a collection of five remedies has shown a positive impact on balancing those in high emotional stress situations. Currently pilot studies are in progress to further show the impact of other Bach flower remedies.

Bach Flower Remedies

Bach Flower Remedies are made from flower and plant essences. There are 38 remedies to match every possible mood we may possibly experience.

Dr Bach, a Harley St Doctor, discovered and applied these remedies to treat a range of physical and emotional ills. He believed patients were to be treated according to their personality type rather than their physical complaint. He did this by recognising their moods and educating patients to treat themselves by matching remedy to mood. In this way the emotions became balanced and their positive attitude helped them recover far more quickly from their physical ailments.

Bach flower essences are non-toxic. If the wrong remedy type were to be taken it would have no effect at all. On the other hand the correct well matched remedy has the effect of balancing the emotions allowing the body to heal more effectively.

As existing emotions become balanced it is not unusual to experience a new emotion. This is perfectly normal. The body is like an onion with many layers that need peeling away. As one layer is peeled away another layer of emotion becomes exposed until the central core is reached. By this time you will have discovered and learned so much about yourself on this personal journey recognising any imbalances that can soon be corrected.

The remedy dosage is 4 drops, 4 times a day for a mix comprising of two or more stock remedies. First thing in the morning, last thing at night and two times during the day. If a single remedy is taken then the dosage is only two drops, 4 times a day.

The remedies may be taken in a variety of ways.

Via the pipette directly in your mouth – avoid touching the pipette with your mouth to avoid contamination. The drops may be put in a hot or cold drink or may be applied externally by rubbing onto the lips, behind the ears or on the temples.

When a new emotion is experienced as part of the learning and healing process, it can be helpful to take 4 drops of rescue remedy in addition to the existing remedies. Rescue Remedy need only be taken if the new mood/emotion is perhaps a little more uncomfortable than you would like.

Each treatment bottle will last about three weeks. During this time it is a good idea to keep a simple journal jotting down your feelings using key words. You may attach a scale of 1 -10 to quantify the range of emotion experienced. In this way you will be able to see the changes in your journal over the three week period. The changes can be so subtle and easily missed if not recorded in some way.

Please feel free to ring me about any concerns you may have regarding the treatment. I can be reached by email;liz@minds-on-high.co.uk or mob 07859920107 0r 01256 322007

What Bach flower remedy for Anxiety (2)

As established in the article ‘What Bach Flower Remedy ‘ there is an absolute need to identify what kind of concern you are experiencing in your current anxiety state in order to achieve a balanced state and total peace of mind.

The remedies Rescue remedy, Mimulus, Aspen, Red Chestnut and Elm were discussed earlier. These remedies respectively balance anxieties associated with heightened emotional states, general known fears, unknown fears, fear for someone else’s situation and the anxiety associated with a temporary sudden loss of confidence in one’s abilities.

We need to address in fact, what is an anxiety state and in doing so we begin to enable ourselves to treat it. Very usually anxiety arises from a persistent negative thought that causes enough mental and emotional conflict within us to impinge on our peace of mind. Sleep and eating patterns may be affected and more severe anxiety can present as panic attacks where we feel we are losing control to manage these negative thoughts and emotions at risk of becoming overwhelmed.

If we allow ourselves to recognise that Bach Flower Remedies comprise of thirty eight different remedies, one for every possible thought and emotion that is out of balance, we can see that it is essential that we need to identify and target the emotion of concern for treatment.  Sometimes a specific emotion comprises of several layers of emotions. For instance if we are feeling we can’t cope with a new deadline. We need to ask ourselves a few questions. Are we unable to cope because we actually think we are not good enough? (Crab Apple may need to be considered) or that we do not deserve this responsibility or opportunity (Pine would be appropriate) or maybe we just do not have any confidence in our abilities at all and we feel like giving up (Larch). Fear of failure may predominate our thoughts: (Mimulus would be effective here).  All four emotions could be coming into play at the same time so we need to balance all four emotions by taking all four remedies to feel more competent and capable in dealing with such challenges successfully. However we could find ourselves just dealing with the single emotion of just losing temporary confidence in ourselves with such a deadline, where we are normally quite competent would command using the Bach flower remedy Elm.

Anxiety ridden emotions resulting in panic attacks will be balanced by the remedy Rock Rose which was briefly touched upon in an earlier Part 1 article on choosing remedies for the anxieties. Do be aware that when choosing remedies we also look at personality types. It is not unusual for a person prone to experience anxieties frequently, may in fact be a ‘Mimulus’ type. Taking this remedy would alleviate these anxieties most effectively.

Do not despair if you feel overwhelmed with this information, as there are many books and information online on the subject. Registered Bach Flower Practitioners are here to help and advise you. A good Practitioner will teach you how to treat yourself so that you can learn to naturally heal yourself independently. As stress and anxieties have been identified as causing 95% of all known diseases, using Bach flower remedies as effective stress busters will immensely improve your health.

What Bach flower for anxiety

‘What Bach flower for anxiety’ is a question that commands some deliberation and discussion. Anxiety can arise from a number of situations and so we need to establish whether the anxiety is personality based or specific to a set of circumstances. True to say, Dr Bach would describe individuals pertaining to being ‘anxiety types’ as presenting with a profile of timidity, shyness, hypersensitivity and being generally fearful of the world around them. They are quiet, may have phobias and do not readily share their fears with others. If you recognise most of these traits in yourself then the Bach flower remedy ‘Mimulus’ is the remedy to balance this anxiety which will help you develop more courage and free you toward living a fuller rewarding and less anxiety ridden life.

This said, we can be undergoing an anxious episode without actually fitting the profile of the Mimulus personality but taking the Bach flower remedy ‘Mimulus’ would be wholly appropriate to balance and calm our anxious state.

In turn another unbalanced emotion can create sleepless nights when the anxiety of feeling overwhelmed by work commitments or life demands, leaves us unable to cope with deadlines which can so easily take us over. This situation commands taking the Bach flower remedy ‘Elm’. This stressful anxious state will return us back to our previously capable selves where our temporary loss of confidence is smoothly restored.

Feeling anxious for other people’s safety particularly when they are close to us, is perfectly natural, however if this anxiety takes on such a level of intensity that we become extremely worried then taking the Bach flower remedy ‘Red Chestnut’ will help relieve us.

‘Aspen’ Bach flower remedy is taken when we become anxious but we just don’t know why, unlike the Mimulus state whereby we recognise the things or situation that is causing our anxiety.

Finally, I need to mention the stress buster of a Bach flower remedy cocktail known as ‘Rescue Remedy’ This remedy comprises of five remedies. Cherry Plum, Rock Rose, Star of Bethlehem. Clematis and Impatiens. This remedy is taken when we feel so stressed by a situation that it becomes all consuming. So extreme nerves arising from an imminent interview, driving test, exam, dental appointment etc might induce a state that can be effectively relieved by taking this remedy. The characteristics of Cherry Plum helps balance the emotion where we feel we are losing control akin to a volcano about to erupt. We take Rock Rose when we feel absolute terror and about to or having a panic attack. Clematis is for when we go into a dream-like state when under a lot of stress while Impatiens is for those who become very pushy with impatience urgently hurrying themselves and others along. Star of Bethlehem helps us combat being in a state of shock. When we are in a state of high emotional distress ‘Rescue remedy’ recognises all the emotions that can easily come into play and attenuates all those feelings to provide peace of mind and have us feel those situations that previously stressed us, now become manageable and achievable.

Do be aware of the temptation to take Rescue Remedy for any event and dismissing the effectiveness of remedies mentioned earlier, such as ‘Mimulus’ and ‘Elm’. However, do take complete solace in knowing that should we take the wrong remedy, the worst that will happen is the specific emotion we wish to treat will be totally unaffected. The remedies are pure and have no known side effects, are totally safe to be taken alongside conventional medication. We cannot overdose on Bach flower remedies. Matching the right remedy for the emotion being expressed will balance us toward anxiety free harmony.

It is possible to take more than one remedy, in fact we can take up to seven remedies at one time. 2 drops of each remedy are introduced into a 30ml bottle of spring water. Four drops of this mixture (as it is a cocktail of several remedies) is taken four times a day over a three week period. The drops may be taken directly in the mouth but can also be taken in any hot or cold drink, water or soup.

Should you be taking a single remedy, 2 drops can be taken directly from the stock bottle or two drops from the stock bottle are put into a 30ml bottle of spring water whereby 2 drops are taken ( as it is a single remedy) four times a day over a 3 week period.

So, the question ‘What Bach Flower for anxiety’ requires the questioner to reflect a little on their anxiety state and match the specific concern with the appropriate remedy to ensure total relief and peace of mind

Natural Alternatives to Paracetamol – disposing the anger

Pain killers that are natural, effective, non invasive without side effects can be produced by our own bodies if we follow a natural process open to us all.

So, in recognising you are continually plagued by chronic pain in this joint or another or perhaps you may suffer with aches from time to time. Either way, the chances are, that your body is feeding back to you that you are expressing anger and letting you know you need to release it. It is not unusual to have these aches and pains accompanied with periods of sheer exhaustion as we try to battle through our restricted movement.

 

Firstly we need to identify who and what we are angry at. It can so easily be a loved one that angers us. We can love this person dearly but at the same time they may have certain habits that we find extremely irritating. Rather than deal with them at the time, we instead feel it easier to just bear this frustration and ignore it by squashing that emotion deep down into our psyche. Months and even years of swallowing those irritating and angry moments take their toll in our bodies. Further damage is created by taking strong pain killers that also impact on healthy tissue altering their bio chemical balance and cell structure. We then continue to become exasperated when, our own GPS, Consultants and Specialists fail to remove our pain for us, after all, they are the experts aren’t they! At this point we need to recognise our own position in this scenario. Our bodies are screaming out for us to address those emotions that are at the end of the day are a form of energy. This energy form has its own atomic structure sending out vibrational energy that is interfering with the normal healthy vibration of your otherwise healthy body cells. So our painfully ailing body cells are crying out for you to externalise this angry feeling and free up your body of this internal pollutant. Your anger may have arisen from a set of frustrating circumstances, in which case, it is helpful to think back to when the pain started, then think what happened some weeks earlier, It may be people you had almost forgotten about linked with the situation. Now you are closer to finding the ad source of your anger and it could involve several people at any one time. Either way release work is imperative. We can do it by the following methods.

 

Writing a letter to the offending person stating why you are angry. However, this letter is not sent, but screwed up at the session end, jumped on and finally set alight safely outdoors. This may possible need to be repeated several times over several days.

 

Putting together an effigy from plasticine or playdough of the person that has angered you. You can pull off the arms, legs, head, whilst shouting out why they made you angry. Then of course let it go and hold no further malice toward this person.

 

Ripping newspapers with gusto is also an excellent form of externalizing anger whilst having the offending person in mind. Do this until you are totally spent with exhaustion.

 

Running off the anger to the point of exhaustion works well for many athletic types.

 

Punching pillows until you feel you have nothing left inside of you is also a good externalising option.

 

After the externalising process has been effected, it is now time to forgive. This does not mean you condone what was done to you but that you are no longer letting that person or situation to continue having any power over you. You recognise that the person did not know any better at that time and you are going to free yourself up for ever of any emotional attachment. If you can shrink that person to being a foolish child that has no true understanding of what they did, it will be easier to let go and forgive, because the individual did not behave to their chronological age but to the emotional age of an immature youngster. We set them free and so we set ourselves free. We forgive them.

Now feeling free, send love, wishing them well. In doing this you are following the principle of what goes round comes round, and thereby attracting ‘good’ into your life and so improving your overall well-being whilst dispensing with all that pain. Congratulate yourself for recruiting your endogenous natural pain killers by releasing your anger and engaging in forgiveness. Now go enjoy your pain free life with renewed vigour!

Overcoming Depression

Overcoming depression is undoubtedly a major challenge in any one’s life, particularly as it is a condition that is likely to affect one in every three of us. A major life event can trigger this condition in any one of us, creating an extreme sense of loss.

Once we have identified that our low moods seem to stubbornly overshadow every waking moment, it is important to seek medical advice. In the meantime there is a strategy we can use for ourselves to help us on our way toward recovery.

 

An effective strategy is to start being grateful for what we do have and to focus on what we actually have. Simplistic as this strategy may seem, it is in fact a very powerful tool. Let me firstly explain why.

 

When we feel so low that we begin to feel like life is synonymous to going through some endless dark colour-less painful tunnel, it is usually because we are experiencing some intense form of ‘lack’. This lack can result from a lack of love from a meaningful relationship, a lack of money from a change of circumstance, a lack of confidence/self-esteem from losing your job or status, a lack of life’s opportunities due to a life changing accident. These are just a few examples of many. Either way they all represent an intense form of loss, leaving us with what we think to be a bleak future. So, the answer lies in reversing this condition with our own inner resources. A quote from Albert Ellis (a renowned American Pschycologist) “You largely constructed your depression. It wasn’t given to you. Therefore you can deconstruct it”

Now, just before you feel immensely offended at the potential accusation that you alone are responsible for your depression, do take into account that depression is not necessarily inherited, but in fact is learned behaviour. If you come from a family seemingly plagued by depression it is only natural that you would have learned how to respond to life events by the behaviours you saw and copied, as well as the attitude of others around you influencing how you view the world and life opportunities around you. In growing up, your habits, or ways of thinking, would seem perfectly normal to you as that was the only way to be as you knew it. We can change the way we view the world as indeed the way we interact with it and of course how we view ourselves.

 

There are several strategies to fully overcome every possible negative thought we hold about ourselves but the one strategy we can more easily employ above any other to reverse that great sense of lack that presides so strongly with depression is “gratefulness”.

 

This strategy requires a 4 week commitment. You will notice an improvement very usually around the second and third week. So let’s begin:

On days one to three, each day think of five things for which you are grateful, examples might be:

‘I am grateful for having a roof over my head’

‘I am grateful for having somewhere to sleep’ (many are homeless, sleeping rough)

‘I am grateful that I have family that care’

‘I am grateful I have access to running water’

‘I am grateful for living in a country that allows freedom of movement’

 

On days four to seven think of 10 different things you are grateful for each day. There are so many things that we possibly take for granted, if you can think of more than ten different things each day then all the better! Celebrate your mobility, celebrate your level of income, celebrate your friends, celebrate your mobile with which to communicate, celebrate nature, the parks etc.

 

On days eight to ten be grateful for 15 things a day, on days. eleven to fourteen 25 different things. On days fifteen to twenty one, think of 35-40 things for which you are grateful. At this stage as you enter your final week, your ‘gratefulness juices’ should be flowing to such an extent that you are easily reaming off 50 and more different things to celebrate. You are likely to have begun developing a sense of appreciation and joy of those things around you in your life. At this stage there is every likelihood that your low moods will have improved somewhat in readiness to begin using positive self-talk which will help improve your confidence and self-esteem.

Those of you who have had long-standing depression may be further helped using the Bach Flower remedy ‘gorse’ to balance your sense of feeling a sense of total hopelessness.

 

In recognising the wealth of so many things that are good and positive around you, there is an increased likelihood that you will start engaging your emotions that were previously switched off. The emotional numbness previously experienced will very likely dissipate and become replaced with that wonderful sense of joy, as long as we allow ourselves to think and feel positively about ourselves – and why wouldn’t we?. It’s just down to choice, for whatever anyone told you, believe me, you are a miraculous being bursting with individual talent and you can achieve anything once you put your mind to it.

Overcoming depression is in fact a reversible process but requires effort and commitment as indeed is the case with all worthwhile projects. Applying the principle of gratefulness regularly on a daily basis for 28 days can not only improve our low moods but direct us toward a successful path of full recovery, opening us up to connecting with our emotions so we can begin to attract more positive things in our lives. It’s just down to choice, for whatever anyone told you, believe me, you are a miraculous being bursting with individual talent and you can achieve anything once you put your mind to it.

Beauty, Health and Life… Sustained and Nurtured by Words and Thoughts

Dr Masuru Emoto (A scientist), is known for discovering how water responds to the spoken, sung and written word. If the words are positive the frozen water will form symmetrically shaped crystals that look quite spectacular. As you might expect he found that if the water was exposed to negative words, the frozen water will form ugly shapes and if a crystal shape did appear, it was inclined to be very small and asymmetrical. As our bodies are 70% water it is easy to correlate the crystal phenomena to how we function when exposed to negative or positive messages.

Further tests using cooked rice created interesting results. One jar of rice was totally ignored, another was called ‘you fool’ and the third jar of rice was told ‘ I thank you’ On repeating these same interactions regularly each day, the jar of rice that had been ignored turned black, the jar of rice that was called ‘you fool’ turned brown whilst the jar of rice that was told ‘I thank you’ started to turn yellow. This experiment has been repeated my many others with exactly the same results.

Imagine what we are doing to ourselves if we use lots of self talk that is negative. Most of the time we are unaware of our thoughts as we tend to flow on automatic. Deepak Chopra, a qualified doctor and author of the metaphysical, a specialist in the field of alternative medicine, states that we have approximately 90,000 thoughts a day. Over 70.000 of these thoughts are the same thoughts we had yesterday, as we are having today and will have tomorrow. So, it is important that we start to increase our awareness about what we are thinking and what we are feeling if we are to maintain optimum health.

So, if we catch ourselves thinking something negative, stop it immediately with a positive image of something that makes you go soft at the knees,. For some it might be thoughts of soft fluffy kittens, for others a cute small, nephew, niece or baby. Maybe an exotic holiday scene or a favoured video clip does it for you. Whatever it is, place this image firmly in your mind. It will negate the negative thoughts, as you can only have one thought in your mind at a time, so ensure it is a positive one. Now make a positive affirmation or statement, so for instance, if you were thinking earlier that you are rubbish at tidying up feeling down by a messy room, tell yourself ‘I am good at clearing up and enjoy it’ Put on some music and dance to it as you get on task. Treat yourself for completing the task, making sure you associate positive actions with the task and turning it into a positive experience. Go to the mirror so you see and hear yourself say ‘Well done, what a fantastic job, the room is so tidy and lovely’.

The positive vibrations and actions will make you feel good and boost your sense of well being and your immune system. This same process can be applied to any situation that might feel initially overwhelming. In fact, use this process in reversing a negative thought you are holding of yourself. Repeat this process regularly and you will begin to believe in your own worth more and more. This will add sparkle to your being, and make you very attractive for others to be with.

We all know instinctively that to obtain the best results from people, we need to be optimistic of their worth and supportive of their efforts, so why would we do anything less for ourselves? Interestingly our culture has us place our energies in others but not in ourselves. This is a form of conditioning from which we need to break free. Promise yourself today that you will be realistically positive about your own worth, that you will support yourself well when you are less than perfect, using language that is positive, appreciative and encouraging. Now just watch your life take off as you grow into the person you were always meant to be and let every droplet of your being crystallize into something quite amazing.

To remain positive in any set back take the Bach Flower Remedy ‘Gentian’ . If you are inclined to think and feel everything is pointless – give yourself a fresh outlook with ‘Gorse’ If you find it hard to be positive because you tend to be fearful then take ‘Mimulus’.

Can Bach Flower Remedies be Mixed?

I have often been asked if Bach Flower Remedies can be mixed, and the answer is an emphatical yes.

Bach flower remedies are the perfect remedy for any emotions that are out of balance that create a state of mild anxiety to absolute anguish and all the emotions in between. As there are thirty eight remedies there is a cocktail of remedies that can be taken at anyone time to suit the emotional imbalances being experienced at any particular moment.

When a major event occurs, we are usually affected with a range of emotions rather than a solitary one. We would therefore address those particular emotions and put together a mixture of up to seven remedies in the same treatment bottle to redress this imbalance.

 

For example, If we were to experience losing our job unexpectedly, depending on our own genetic make-up, this might present as a shock to us, likely to cause mental distress and placing us in a state of disbelief, so we would consider taking the remedy, Star of Bethlehem to harmonize this emotion. We would naturally go about applying for new positions, but if difficulties presented in having our applications acknowledged let alone converted into interviews we may feel so dejected we might consider stopping altogether. In this instance we may require the remedy Gentian. Gentian helps us get over setbacks quite quickly and getting us back on track.

If, on the other hand we make the decision that completing job applications is a totally hopeless exercise then taking the remedy Gorse would place us in a position of valuing the process of job seeking and we are likely to regain hope in securing a new job.

Should we start to withdraw from friends and people generally because that is how we tend to react when unhappy with our circumstances and preferring to be alone, then the remedy Water Violet is ideal for getting us to re-engage with others again.

If we begin to become fearful of losing our home, for fear of never getting another job with a secure income, then the remedy Mimulus would be most helpful to regain courage in this area and release the overwhelming emotion of fear and free us to re-focus on action that needs to be taken.

Of course our confidence could also be temporarily lost so Elm is the remedy to take to regain our confidence in our skills again. However if your confidence is lost to the extent that you no longer try for a job as you believe you will never be good enough to ever succeed then the remedy Larch would be more appropriate to raise your self-esteem.

You may start to become, touchy and argumentative as a consequence of your circumstances which would suggest taking the remedy Holly so you can return to your former calmer self whilst others find you more approachable.

 

Our thoughts do support our emotions so whilst taking the Bach Flower remedies it is highly recommended to make affirmations (positive self-talk) for each of the emotions we are intending to correct and balance. In this way we are likely to create good habits in supporting our moods and maintaining good health.

 

Any major event, such as losing one’s job, could have the impact of affecting your emotions to the extent that six of the eight emotions mentioned above could be the ones that are out of balance. We would address this anguish with a cocktail of six remedies. For some individuals a major event can unbalance many more and a different range of emotions in a short period of time after the event.

 

Two drops of each remedy is added to a 30ml bottle of spring water. Spring water is preferred to tap water as it is purer and is free of additives such as chlorine. A teaspoon of brandy or glycerine or cider vinegar is added to act as a natural preservative. The remedies will blend naturally together and work energetically together to help you transcend from distress to a calmer state. Four drops of this treatment bottle of remedies are then taken four times a day, taken via the dropper directly into the mouth, or put into any hot or cold drink. It can even be rubbed on the temples of the forehead. There are no known side effects, and can be safely taken with conventional medicine. When we balance the emotions by taking these remedies over a three week period, we remove the stress and we balance our own bio-chemistry so our cells can re-generate and heal. Be aware that new emotions may pop up that need balancing for us to regain full health.

 

Knowing that we can mix Bach flower remedies to create a healing treatment cocktail to balance our emotions towards mental and physical radiance, helps provide us with the courage, motivation and energy to re-design our lives for the better and achieve good health.